Lost in Translation

This past weekend I happened to log on to my Gtalk from my personal laptop at home. Mind you this is a rare privilege granted to me by my wife, who seems to think that marriage gives her complete ownership of my assets and vice versa. That explains why she is always seen with the laptop, while I toy around with the dishes.

Coming back to the original context, as soon as I logged on to Gtalk, my sister-in-law (co-sister, if you are in India, and subscribe to immaculate Indian English) pinged me and quickly typed in a few standard pleasantries. Knowing how challenged she is when it comes to typing at high speeds, I am sure she must have a ready list of pleasantries that she copies and pastes when she wants to make polite conversation with people who don’t really matter. And despite having married her sister, I still qualify for the “people who don’t really matter”.

So after a couple of standard exchanges for the sake of formality, she ordered me to pass a message to my wife to come online. I promptly did so, and while the lady was taking her time to put on a few layers of make-up due to the impending Webcam session, I stayed on just in case the SIL needed company. And here is how the conversation went:

SIL:” So when are you planning to come to India?”
Me: “Soon. Hopefully, we can move back to India for good”
SIL: “Why? Don’t you like Singapore?”
Me: “I am not particularly fond of the place, though there is nothing to hate about it. But with the baby around, I’d prefer to have an extended family for support”
SIL: “Ok, bye”
Me: ”Bye”

Moments later, my wife logs in, and here is the chat trail:

Wife: “Hi”
SIL: ”Are you going through financial crisis?”
Wife: “No. Why?”
SIL: “Your husband wants to move to India because he wants financial support from his in-laws”
Wife: “Damn. Why did I let him out of the kitchen? @#$@@”
SIL: “Tell him we can find him a good job, but not to ask money from in-laws”
Wife: “Sure. Thanks. Bye”

Since then, I have had to sign a restraining order, that I will stay at least 50 feet away from the laptop, and that I will never respond to any messages from any of my wife’s relatives.