Wedding Blues

Tuesday, Nov 9th 2004: It is just 5 days to the Wedding. My wedding.

And yesterday I was a kid. I still have those bermudas that i adored in school. My Hero Ranger is still lying in Sid's place cos he wanted to shed some kilos by cycling. And ofcourse, my marble collection from 5th std was all intact and sparkling when I gave it away to the maid's kids last month.Sid still calls me CK, just like he used to in high school. Alright, so he doesnt sound like Donald Duck anymore. My mom still mixes my rice for me , just like when I was a kid. And yes, I am getting married this weekend. No, it is not illegal for a 27 year old to marry. Certainly Not in India. But I was a kid just yesterday.

But today I am an adult. So is Sid. Likewise with Shankar. And that's why Sid doesnt come to me with stories about his walk-up-the-hill-holding-hands-with-Chithra. That's why Shankar doesnt show me around Reshu's house when we cycle upto Gandhi bazaar. And that's why CP doesnt show me his new costume on his birthday. But I was a kid just yesterday.
Now, I am on the threshold of marriage. Forget being a kid, I wont even remain a bachelor. I will come home everyday to a wife, who I do not know well enough to be myself with, just yet. So i put on my best behaviour, day in and day out. Because I am not a kid anymore. I am a man. A soon-to-be-married man. Am i scared even a wee bit? Not a chance.

I am just plain paranoid.

Final Deliverance

Recounting incidents of the past few days, i sit down to ponder,
I try real hard, but i cant think of anything that i did to get you sombre,
Where is the whiff of fresh air, has the ray of bright sunshine diffused?
Where are those peals of laughter, replaced by the silence of the confused.

Recounting incidents of the past few days, the sudden chill in the summer air,
What did it take to break apart, the fortitude of the perfect pair?
Without a word, without a sigh, you walked away, please tell me why,
Broke my heart, left to cry, was this all just a lie?

Recounting incidents of the last few days, i shudder at the thought,
The day you walk out of my life, leaving me in despair and distraught,
Forever holding hard on to every single magical moment spent with you,
Till my final deliverance from the depths of agony, onto a life anew.


*This is not a personal experience. Just a personal expression.

Living a dream: My friend Aj

Last Friday, I woke up not-so-early to a ringing cellphone. To my pleasant surprise, it was my good friend Aj from the US. Speaking to him after a rather long time felt good. It also rubbed in the realisation that one of my best buddies was not going to be around for the biggest moment of my life. But I guess things are the way they are meant to be. I was very happy to hear from Aj about his professional growth. He termed it as a "dream come true". That must really be something then, because Aj is rather tough to please, and I can vouch for it from our 11 years of friendship.
Anyways, it always feels great to begin your day talking to a friend. Especially if he's one of your best buds. And he seems to have taken a massive liking to the US and its people. And he certainly knows a thing or two about the Presidential elections in US. And he expressed his regret at not being able to cast his vote for Kerry. Not sure if his regret was for Kerry missing out on a vote, or his not being eligible to vote. To quote Aj, when he met Kerry's supporters :" I am afraid I cant vote for Kerry because I am not YET a citizen of USA".
No prizes for guessing the reason for his regret after this dead giveaway.

So much for too much...

At a round table meeting with one of our senior account managers, I asked "Is there any incentive for employees who have put in long years for the company? I ask this because there is a general belief that such people are taken for granted since they will anyway continue to stay on". My question served to humor all the people around for the sheer bluntness with which I put it. However, it didnt serve to exact an answer from the manager.Now, I ask the same question again. However, this time it concerns my personal life.Why is it that the people you love the most, the people you want to be with whenever you can, take you for granted? Why is it that when they know you would go out of your way to meet their demands, they make sure you go out of your way? If it is just to test whether you really love them as much as you should, then it is probably acceptable a couple of times to go through their unreasonable demands. But if you are being tested every day , and you are expected to go out of your way everytime, you start thinking if this is really a test worth passing. And the very fact that you have to prove your undying love so many times can be very insulting.Every relationship, be it professional or personal, reaches a stage where one is taken for granted. Excessive loyalty, or excessive love. They all merit the same treatment. Disdain.