The confessions of a clueless mind

The Sun was bright, and the sands were warm, The beach was just as resplendent, in its beauty and charm, People on morning walks were in their lazy gaiety, Admiring the vast ocean, majestic and mighty, Fishermen were on their daily chores, Rowing their boats far away from the shores, An unusual calm in the morning sea, what a quiet day it seemed, Couldnt be any closer, to the perfect day that they had dreamed. Until the sea took offence, and banded an army of evil tides, Set them on human trails, to push them on their final rides, In a secret vendetta against the human race, The ocean showed its ugly face, Washing away thousands of innocent lives, causing incurable pain, And yet be unapologetic in its splendour, threatening to revolt again, The evil collusion of the monsters inside the earth and sea, Spewing venom at life, through a huge ravaging tsunami. A lesson for the humankind, through bodies that were never found, When nature takes an ugly turn, civilizations...

In periods of peace, when everything seems mundane, My trepidations loom large, thoughts I cannot contain; These that disturb my calm, have long been my friends, Burdening my mind with guilt, but never giving me a chance to make amends; Breathing life into an uncomfortable past, One that cannot coexist with a beautiful present, Like creatures with ugly heads, that threaten to enter my heaven, Those that should not be fought, but should only be buried, Thoughts that never leave me, fears that keep me worried. Life gives a second chance, but past does not; New memories will never condemn the old ghosts to rot; Those skeletons in the cupboard cannot be put away, For they will certainly return to haunt another day, Robs every chance of a guiltless future, Kills with insufferable torment, Dashing every small joy, those ugly creatures that never relent; Till the day when there is no beautiful present, consumed by an everlasting past, The day when life gives way, and delive...

It really must be the beginning of the end! When nature turns against humanity in a way as cruel as this, humankind are left to wonder, and even more so, to mourn. The magnitude of this tragedy, for us outsiders, is measured only in the number of deaths reported. But to those who have lost their families and homes, the tsunami has left them with an abysmal pit of irreplaceable loss. Unsuspecting people have been washed away to watery graves in a matter of minutes. Thousands of fishermen have lost their lives, and their livelihood. Homes have been destroyed. Villages have been razed. Survivors face the risk of epidemics due to water contamination caused by the dead bodies. Panic has given way to anarchy. Nothing has remained the way it was. The way it should have been. In this hour of grief, us lucky ones can only pray for the souls of the departed, and do our best to help save the survivors. By donating clothes, medicines, food, utensils, money. And by spreading the message of co...

In times of disgust came a shimmer of light. And washed away all the discontentment, only to leave me with a new confussion as to which path I should tread on now. Till this good news came along, I had come to terms with the fact that my career had reached a standstill, and therefore, I had to innovate to set it back on track again. On a new ground. But now, after this huge leap, I am not sure if I have the will to tread new grounds. When the current one seems to be getting good, why expend energy looking for new ones. But again, If I dont explore outside, I may be missing out on things much bigger than what I have received now. But after such a long period of discontentment, even a small ray of light can light up one's eyes like a million bulbs. For now, I am contented. And confused. Is this really a promotion? Or just another pitfall? Am i being made to bite some cheap bait? Should I sing my urge to explore to sleep ? Should I celebrate and succumb ? Or should I explore and redi...

This past Sunday, as I was sulking in my boredom, I couldnt help trace back to my childhood days, when every holiday was an event. When weekends meant cricket matches, pranks, fighting with my brother, breaking things, some more fighting with my bro etc. I was this fresh faced, innocent little kid that was exceptionally good at almost everything that kids his age were expected to revel in. Like Cricket, scoring marks in tests, athletics, putting on a good behaviour in front of guests, and always being truthful. This last quality that i mentioned didnt augur quite that well with my bullying brother. Everytime he broke a vase, or everytime he helped himself to some cashews stolen from my Mom's treasured collection, my innate need to be truthful would always put him in trouble. And in most cases, pain. Here are some of my treasured memories from my younger years: 1)I was about 7 years old when my brother invented a new game. He was a maverick who always wanted to come out with some...

A few months ago, I had blogged about the seemingly impossible task of finding a suitable bride for my super-eligible bum-chum Shankar. Seemingly impossible because Shankar had to find a girl who would meet the high expectations of all his well-wishers. And knowing Shankar to be the noble samaritan that he is, he certainly has a lot of well-wishers. And therefore, finding a girl who would be physically attractive yet demure, intellectually stimulating yet naive, academically brilliant yet not headstrong, professionally settled yet willing to give it all up if asked to, was a tall order. Add to this, the sense of urgency that he was forced to conduct his search under. And ofcourse, unrelenting work pressure which Shankar is innately incapable of rejecting. In such a boiler room situation, even the toughest nut would crack. But not our man. Or did he? Well, Shankar, after the minutest of deliberations, was almost impatient to say yes to the girl that we now know to be his fiancee. The ...

In a world ruled by conventions, being a rebel is a true fashion statement. More for the fact that you are not one among the crowd than for the belief that you are cleansing the society of its ills. That being my basic definition of a rebel, as one who aims to stand out rather than stand up for any cause, I got my golden opportunity to prove to the world how right I was. About rebels and their lost cause. This man that I have grown up being in awe of, due to the tall tales of extraordinary will power and unwaivering determination in the face of all adversities that convention threw at him, was the one rebel that I knew would conclusively prove or disprove my thoughts about the narcissistic indulgences of these "rebels". And for his own sake, and for the sake of not wanting to have to put him down from the pedestal that I had elevated him to right from when I was a kid, I hoped I would be proven wrong. I hoped he would come out unscathed when I was done throwing my skewed ar...

Tuesday, Nov 9th 2004: It is just 5 days to the Wedding. My wedding. And yesterday I was a kid. I still have those bermudas that i adored in school. My Hero Ranger is still lying in Sid's place cos he wanted to shed some kilos by cycling. And ofcourse, my marble collection from 5th std was all intact and sparkling when I gave it away to the maid's kids last month.Sid still calls me CK, just like he used to in high school. Alright, so he doesnt sound like Donald Duck anymore. My mom still mixes my rice for me , just like when I was a kid. And yes, I am getting married this weekend. No, it is not illegal for a 27 year old to marry. Certainly Not in India. But I was a kid just yesterday. But today I am an adult. So is Sid. Likewise with Shankar. And that's why Sid doesnt come to me with stories about his walk-up-the-hill-holding-hands-with-Chithra. That's why Shankar doesnt show me around Reshu's house when we cycle upto Gandhi bazaar. And that's why CP doesnt show...

Recounting incidents of the past few days, i sit down to ponder, I try real hard, but i cant think of anything that i did to get you sombre, Where is the whiff of fresh air, has the ray of bright sunshine diffused? Where are those peals of laughter, replaced by the silence of the confused. Recounting incidents of the past few days, the sudden chill in the summer air, What did it take to break apart, the fortitude of the perfect pair? Without a word, without a sigh, you walked away, please tell me why, Broke my heart, left to cry, was this all just a lie? Recounting incidents of the last few days, i shudder at the thought, The day you walk out of my life, leaving me in despair and distraught, Forever holding hard on to every single magical moment spent with you, Till my final deliverance from the depths of agony, onto a life anew. *This is not a personal experience. Just a personal expression.

Last Friday, I woke up not-so-early to a ringing cellphone. To my pleasant surprise, it was my good friend Aj from the US. Speaking to him after a rather long time felt good. It also rubbed in the realisation that one of my best buddies was not going to be around for the biggest moment of my life. But I guess things are the way they are meant to be. I was very happy to hear from Aj about his professional growth. He termed it as a "dream come true". That must really be something then, because Aj is rather tough to please, and I can vouch for it from our 11 years of friendship. Anyways, it always feels great to begin your day talking to a friend. Especially if he's one of your best buds. And he seems to have taken a massive liking to the US and its people. And he certainly knows a thing or two about the Presidential elections in US. And he expressed his regret at not being able to cast his vote for Kerry. Not sure if his regret was for Kerry missing out on a vote, or his n...

At a round table meeting with one of our senior account managers, I asked "Is there any incentive for employees who have put in long years for the company? I ask this because there is a general belief that such people are taken for granted since they will anyway continue to stay on". My question served to humor all the people around for the sheer bluntness with which I put it. However, it didnt serve to exact an answer from the manager.Now, I ask the same question again. However, this time it concerns my personal life.Why is it that the people you love the most, the people you want to be with whenever you can, take you for granted? Why is it that when they know you would go out of your way to meet their demands, they make sure you go out of your way? If it is just to test whether you really love them as much as you should, then it is probably acceptable a couple of times to go through their unreasonable demands. But if you are being tested every day , and you are expected to ...

Do those cocktail designers really intend to mean anything when they christen their concotions with extremely fanciful and imaginative names? Or do they just borrow these visually and aurally appealing names from some tourist magazine and then randomly distribute them across their collection of mixed drinks that they believe taste differently from one another?I am inclined towards supporting the latter. This past weekend, there was a " Caribbean " (visual imagery again) cocktail festival at Zero-G , and R and I were curious to see what this was all about. Add to that R's curiosity about cocktails. We walked straight into a super-suave waiter at Zero-G who even allowed us to choose the corner we wanted to place ourselves at. Call it great customer care, or simply, empty seats in every corner. We decided to give the benefit of doubt to the waiter, and decided to tip him generously for his politeness. Till this point, everything was fine. After we placed ourselves at seats o...

The invincible Gunners finally came undone at the hands (legs, shoulders etc) of Man U's physical style. How much of the defeat can be attributed to the football, and how much to the referee's decisions, is debatable, depending on which side you support. Van Nistelrooy's horror tackle makes the verdict even more controversial considering he should not even have been on the pitch to take that spot kick. And Rooney showed one more skill in his already flattering repertoire with that " Oscar " winning dive. Wenger's boys were surely done in, and football was not one of the reasons for that. Arsenal played the better football, but Man U played the tougher football. Maybe its a lesson for Wenger that Arsenal should toughen up. Their inability to conquer lesser teams in Europe has also been because of their weakness against tough tackles. Panathanaikos softened the Gunners for their equaliser twice last week. Manchester United added " injury to insult " ov...

Ever wondered about the state of traffic in Bangalore? I did, and it didnt look good at all. And here's why. While driving to office this morning, through the numerous traffic congestions , I ended up stopping at most signals, like always. Blame it on my habit of seeing red at everyone and everything. Gimme red anyday ! Anyways, at one of these many signals, I had, like a law abiding citizen, stopped due to the signal being red. As soon as the traffic on the perpendicular direction subsided a bit, the man on the scooter right next to me with a 10 year old son riding pillion, vroomed out of the blocks, through the red signal, and sped away, safely from the traffic and the lazy traffic constable monitoring the signal. The sight of his son, triumphantly waving at us foolish people who were still waiting for the signal to turn green while his dad had so easily sped out of it was a revelation. His joy knew no bounds! With fathers like that setting such wrong examples to their impressio...

Been a while since I penned any thoughts in here. Haven't been able to squeeze in any time for blogging of late. And today, I stumbled across a few rediff blogs and got "inspired" by some of them for their sheer nostalgic content. As for me, nostalgia has always been a favorite activity whenever I stumble across any artefact from my past. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was clearing my attic, and had to throw away my text books from high school. And that triggered off a huge wave of nostalgia, thinking about those great times that I had in St.Paul's. Those friends, the crushes, the intense rivalry with Deepak to secure the 3rd rank (the first 2 were never up for grabs, thanks to Rohini and Janhavi), and the thrill of never having lost out in that rivalry ever, etc. Kids these days are missing out on the kind of innocent fun that our generation was lucky to have had. The time when a monthly allowance of Rs.50 was a princely amount, and was enough to actually add to my a...

It's a sleepy Thursday here at work. Had very little sleep last night watching the UEFA Champions' League matches. Arsenal and Barcelona , my two favorite clubs (not necessarily in that order always) were both in action. Although neither of the matches were prestigious in terms of the quality of the opposition or what lie at stake, the very fact that the Gunners and the Catalunyans were in live action was reason enough for me to brave the sleep, and risk falling asleep at work . Barca, as they have been this season, were a well-oiled unit and went about their job of decimating the Ukrainian outfit Shaktar Donetsk without much fuss. Three goals, one each from Deco, Ronaldinho and Eto'o was enough to guarantee the 3 points that they were never in doubt of coming away with. Considering the fact that the last Ukrainian team that visited the Nou Camp had caused a major upset humbling the mighty Barca 0-3 in 1997, this match had a good build-up for the Trivia hunters. And incid...

" In God We Trust "- Common phrase ofcourse. But how can we trust someone we don't know? This piece of pondering was inspired by some old memories (not that there are new memories). A maternal uncle's story as narrated by my mom, and some of her sisters. Till his late teens, my uncle was an extremely religious, highly devoted follower of the Hindu Gods. Legend has it that he spent a whole day at the local Vishnu temple attending puja during the Utsav a day before his matriculation exams. Interestingly, this same person is now a staunch disbeliever in the concept of the almighty. A rather contrasting change! From a sanctimonious devotee to a blasphemous atheist. That brings me to the question I have been wanting to ask. What is God? Note that I have deliberately settled for "what" instead of "who" due to my need to accommodate a definition of God which goes beyond the deityfication of the almighty into a human-like entity which most religions, and t...

Contrary to what the title to this article might lead you to guess, my best friend is still unmarried. Infact, he's not even hooked yet. If there's any eligible bachelorette reading this, you know whom to contact if you are interested in meeting the nicest guy on this planet. Now, I am really not exaggerating when I call him the nicest guy around. What would you call a guy who is way above the average in terms of his professional achievements, who has, in my 11 years of knowing him, never been vexed at anyone or anything, who adores his family and does everything to make sure they are happy, who blushes red in the face when reciting even a vegetarian joke, etc etc. Nicest guy would be the closest I could get to being able to do justice to his extremely delectable demeanor. Shankar and I first met in 1993 when we joined 11th std in NCJ. I cant say we hit it off immediately. Shankar was this noble samaritan who would religiously attend classes with rapt attention, and then dissem...

In a world of myriad choices, confusion is the order of the day. When there are many options, each equally good or equally bad, what would a person choose? When every route is just as alien, which route will you opt for? When every answer in an objective type question seems just as right, which one would you mark against? Do these questions confuse you? Do they get you to scratch your head in bewilderment? If yes, then you are on to me. Confusion is the state of mind when one is not able to conclusively decide which, out of the many options, should one opt for. It is a great leveler because it affects the ignorant just as much as it does the knowledgeable. Confusion, from an optimists view point, is an indication that you have several options to choose from. From a pessimistic view point, it can be interpreted as a case of losing out on all the options that you didn't choose, Or maybe choosing the wrong option. Its an interesting argument whether confusion is a good state of mind f...

As I sit here cursing my situation for having to come back to work after a 4 day vacation, I cant help but stare at this diamond studded ring sitting pretty on my finger. For the weak witted, that means I am engaged. In a small ceremony on the 19th Sep, I exchanged rings and a promise to share the rest of our lives with Dr.R. Conventional humor would demand a cliched punchline "Another one bites the dust". But deep down, I am thinking, if dust was this sweet, who wouldnt wanna bite it. Come children's day on Nov 14th, we should be pronounced man and wife. Sounds exciting!

Sometimes, even when most things in life turn a blind eye to you, failure acknowledges you. And like death, failure is an inevitable truth about everything in life. In every success story, there is a lurking failure somewhere. In every happy moment, there is always the fear of failure. Failure, therefore, is one of the few constants in life. Success may cheat you, but failure wont. Just like life may pass you by, but death wont. The mood of this article is, but obviously, black. However, the content is totally pragmatic. A result of years of introspection, a constant quest of happiness, and the reason why its neverlasting. As every successful person would vouch, failures spur them to greater success. Why then, are people afraid of failure? Why do people crave for unmitigated success but shy away from failure? Why do people fail to acknowledge the role that failure plays in shaping their lives? Why are people measured on their success alone, and their failures are never given their due?...

Its a boring Thursday morning here at work, and sipping coffee and thinking about a plan for the weekend. I dont usually have to plan for weekends, cos I am either hanging out with friends, or chilling at Javacity, or getting cosy at home with my PS2. But as good fortune would have it, I met this amazing woman who , in a fit of absent mindedness, agreed to tolerate me for a whole lifetime (and another 6 lifetimes as well, if the elders are to be believed), and so I cant afford to not romance her during the weekends. Now, as any Bangalore dude with a life would tell you, movies are really where it's at if you are looking for some clean romance, which brings me to the real point of writing this blog. What is it with Kannada film makers and good movies? Why do they always run parallel without ever meeting? Why is it that every other language can churn out atleast some decent stuff once in a bluemoon, but Kannada films never manage to get out of the rut? Well, I dont intend to evoke an...

I am new at writing blogs, but I have been sufficiently inspired by some very close people, who have convinced me that this is the best way to put my weird thoughts to good use. When I say weird, what I really mean is thoughts that one would not really want think too much about, but ones that everyone would come across some time or the other. This is just an attempt to record everything that would, at the time of its conception, not seem proper to be discussed with people, but would serve to humour me, and anyone who cares to read my blog, at a later time. There are times when I read an article from a newspaper, and disagree with most things written, and would want to lash out with my opinions but cant, only due to the absence of a medium to lash out on. Which is why I think this is a great idea to help people with strong opinions such as yours truly to hold on to their sanity by venting their frustrations, or just their calm and composed thoughts , on to a medium which can be accessi...